I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
