I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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