bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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