how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
