My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
