Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
