Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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