when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
