she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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