I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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