Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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