I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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