she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Drunk is not a location!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
