you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
