Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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