My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Too much gin, very little bucket
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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