one might say we're banned from that church
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
