you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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