I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
