Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
