Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
