Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
