I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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