His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
