i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
