My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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