Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
