Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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