I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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