The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
