Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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