I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
