I smell stomach acid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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