i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
