I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
