One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
