white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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