you didnt know i had herpes?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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