I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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