the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
lol hangovers are for mortals.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
