My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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