My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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