that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
