There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
