is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
