Your tits are I can't wait for
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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