I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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