my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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