i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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