NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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