If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Green mimosas i think yes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
