the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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