i was born a porn star she said
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
