I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
