Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a beard to bite.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
