Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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