awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
