found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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