My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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