i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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