I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm passing your future prison.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
