i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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