I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
