I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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