remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
