She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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