Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
and you fell through a lawn chair
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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